Shadow work is a powerful tool that can help us to come back to our truest selves.
The Song That Prompted a Journey to the Shadows
I’ve found in the past that songs often have lyrics that hit deep when you’re deep in your spiritual or personal growth journey. The lyrics from Hoobastank’s “The First of Me” did that for me this week.
The song speaks to that moment when you finally step into who you’re meant to be—not who others expect you to be, not who you think you should be, but the truest, most authentic version of yourself.
It starts with a choice we all get – do we listen to and become what society or friends or media say we should become because it’s “popular” or “spiritual” or whatever? Or do we listen to who we are inside? Do we become a shell of who we are because we’re giving into the temptation to be “liked” rather than the truth of ourselves?
“I must make a choice, a tough decision
Listen to my voice
Should I give in to temptation, admiration?
One leads to myself, the other someone else
Just an empty shell, just an empty shell”
I’ve struggled with this for years. I grew up very much feeling like I needed to do what I was told and be what I was told. I spent years twisting and bending and camouflaging myself to try and be friends with the people I admired or were popular. I think it’s something we all struggle with at some point in our lives, right?
Anyway, the chorus of the song has started to really become a battle cry, reminding myself the power and purpose behind being and owning who I really am. Do I (do you) really want to be another clone, a copy of what someone else is or says you should be? Or do you want to be the first of you?
“I hear a voice inside, it's grown into a scream
I'm not the next of them, I am the first of me
'Cause I can't live the lie, I am just what you see
I'm not the next of them, I am the first of me”
I’ve felt that voice inside, the one that screamed every time I shoved it down to hide myself and morph into the version of me “they” wanted. And over the years it got louder and louder, until I finally heard it – and listened.
And I finally began the process of coming home to myself, to uncovering and recovering the uniqueness in me and the beautiful things that make me, me.
This is exactly what shadow work helps us do. It’s about looking at the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden away, ignored, or been taught aren’t good (or good enough). And honestly? It’s some of the most powerful (and difficult) work I’ve ever done.
I used to think authenticity meant being positive and put-together all the time, showing the world the face they wanted and expected (and sometimes I still slip back into that, especially at my 9-5 job). But real authenticity? It includes our messy bits, our fears, our quirks, and yes—even our shadow. When we do the inner work to reclaim these hidden aspects of ourselves, we become more whole, more real, more us.
What Is Shadow Work, Really?
Shadow work isn’t as scary as it sounds (though it can definitely feel intense sometimes). The idea comes from Carl Jung, who described the “shadow” as the parts of our personality that we’ve rejected or suppressed. It’s essentially the emotional “junk” we carry—the anger we’re not allowed to feel, the dreams we’ve buried, the aspects of ourselves we’ve learned to hide.
Shadow work is simply the practice of exploring these hidden parts and bringing them into the light with compassion and curiosity. It’s not about becoming a different person; it’s about becoming a more complete version of who you already are.
The beautiful thing about shadow work is that it leads to authentic self-discovery. When we stop running from our uncomfortable emotions and experiences, we free up so much energy that was previously spent on hiding. That energy can then flow into creativity, relationships, and living more fully.
No, it’s not easy. And no, it’s not a one-time thing. Every time I think I’ve gotten to the bottom, something else eventually comes up prompting another journey into the cave to uncover what’s lurking underneath the thing that triggered me or caused me to react the way I did.
5 Shadow Work Journal Prompts for Deep Self-Discovery
Here are five journal prompts that have been incredibly helpful in my own personal growth journey. There’s no “right” way to do this work, so feel free to adapt them to whatever makes sense to you. The important thing is just be honest and gentle with yourself.
1. “What am I judging most harshly in others?”
This one always makes me squirm a little, but for me, it’s one of the most powerful questions I ask. That’s because the things that trigger us most in other people often reflect something we’ve rejected in ourselves. Maybe you judge people who are “too emotional” because you’ve been told your feelings are too much. Or perhaps you criticize people who seem selfish because you’ve never learned to prioritize your own needs (yeah, this one is something I’m still working on).
If someone really annoys you, write about it – what bothers you most about them, and then gently ask yourself: “How might this quality exist in me?” This isn’t about beating yourself up—it’s about reclaiming the full spectrum of who you are.
2. “What dreams or desires have I given up on, and why?”
Our abandoned dreams often live in the shadow, whispering “what if” when we’re not paying attention. This questions helps you reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside by the demands of life, family expectations, or fear of failure. I’ve found that usually, there’s a scared little girl inside of me who’s afraid to get it wrong because she’s afraid she’ll somehow be punished – by society or family or the mysterious “people” that she’s still, for some reason, trying to please.
Think about what you wanted to be when you were younger, or the desires you’ve talked yourself out of as an adult. When did you give them up? Why did you give them up? What would it look like to honor these parts of yourself, even in small ways?
3. “When do I do things to please other people instead of doing what’s best for myself or the people who matter most to me?
This one can be tough. In my own experience, I find that I have a tendency to bend over backwards to please people, like my boss or “friends” (or people I wish were my friends), and in the process I often ignore my own needs or the needs of the people who are most important to me (like my husband or my family). I’m still trying to get to the bottom of this one because I really don’t like that I do this. I become someone I’m not, changing my priorities, based on what I think these people expect or want.
And while authenticity isn’t about being the same person in every situation, it is about feeling aligned with your values and true self. Discounting my own needs (or the needs of the people I love) takes me out of this alignment and ultimately hurts me (or the people I love). This prompt helps to identify where you’re wearing masks that no longer serve you. And from there, you can dig further to try and understand what hidden hurt or fear is at the root of it all.
So, maybe you also people-please at work, or maybe you suppress your opinions in certain relationships, or feel like you have to be “on” all the time. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward making conscious choices about how you want to show up.
4. “What emotions am I most afraid to feel?”
We all have emotions we’ve learned to avoid. Maybe anger wasn’t allowed in your family, or sadness felt too vulnerable. This shadow work prompt invites you to explore your relationship with the full range of human emotions.
I have a Scorpio moon, so this one often requires me to dig pretty deep… because emotions are often buried waaaay down there. But keep going, there’s gold in the shadows.
Consider what you do when uncomfortable feelings arise. Do you distract yourself, lash out, or shut down? What would it look like to create space for these emotions without judgment?
5. “What would I do differently if I knew I couldn’t fail?”
Fear of failure keeps so many of our authentic desires in the shadow. This prompt helps you identify where fear might be holding you back from living more fully.
This one can be a little challenging – especially if you’ve spent a lot of time in the safety zone of life. It can be difficult to imagine what not failing looks or feels like, especially with a big dream. Or maybe it’s a challenge to even imagine doing something “out there” or different because it’s hard to step outside the box we’ve been taught to stay inside of.
When you try this prompt, it can be helpful to start with small, daily choices – you don’t necessarily need to focus on big, dramatic changes (powerful shifts often start with the small stuff, right?). What would you say yes to? What would you say no to? How would you show up differently in your relationships, work, or creative pursuits?
Can you start by listening to (and following) that pull, that voice, that shrinking or expansion that happens when you are facing a choice – even something as mundane as “soup” or “salad”?
Becoming the First of You
Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself – you’re not broken. It’s about integration, about becoming more whole and authentic. It’s about finding those bruised spots, the inner child that’s scared and hiding in the shadows, trying to keep us “safe.” When we do this inner work with compassion and curiosity, we stop living from a place of fear and start living from a place of truth.
The journey to authenticity isn’t always comfortable or easy, but it’s always worth it. Every time we choose to look at our shadow with love instead of judgment, we take a step closer to becoming the “first of us”—the version of ourselves that’s never existed before because we’ve never been this integrated, this whole, this real.
Your shadow isn’t your enemy—it’s the key to your most authentic self. And the world needs the real you, shadows and all.
Ready to Go Deeper?
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P.S. Sometimes it’s difficult to go deeper, to get down into that inner cave where the shadows hide. I’ve created Inner Vision Elixir to help you as you explore those inside pieces and parts of yourself. It could be one more tool in your arsenal.
